“What the frak did I just watch?” – My Take on the Battlestar Galactica Finale

Before you read on, I’d like you to know that this post is more of a rant than a review. My thoughts and feelings towards this finale does not reflect my view on the show as a whole. Battlestar Galactica is fantastic and I encourage you to watch it. But, if you’re reading this, chances are you already have.

First off, can I just say “WHAT THE FRAK!?!?”

The 3 part finale of Battlestar Galactica rapped up a lot of the prophecies, but also left me confused and disappointed. Parts 1 and 2 were probably some of the best episodes in the series, but Part 3 is a completely different story. If you thought the LOST finale sucked, then think again.

The confusion

What happened to Kara Thrace? Was she “an angel sent by God?” Is their “God” Ronald D. Moore (see below)? If Kara is an angel, what does that make Red-Dress-Six and Creepy-Ass-Baltar? Maybe they’re narrators of some sort, corporeal catalyst for the rebirth of mankind in this cycle of destruction? Will the liberated Centurions and Raiders ever come back?

The final five (minutes)

For your amusement, here is a breakdown of my thought process starting at 40:20 on Netflix:

• 40:20 – Hera! Damn, I wonder how much that kid got paid. Yeah, that was totally shot on a green screen…
• 40:50 – “150,000 years later”? Wait, is that New York? Yep. HOLD ON, DOES THIS MEAN I’M A CYLON-HUMAN HYBRID?!?
• 41:00 – Oh gods noooo! This is present day! It’s not even some alternate universe New York, this is actually New York!
• 41:15 – WHY THE FRAK IS RONALD D. MOORE STANDING IN THE FOREGROUND? IS THIS A JOKE?
• 41:40 – Are they really explaining the show’s message to the audience? Hell, you might as well break the 4th wall.
• 41:58 – They’re totally filming on location. I wonder if anyone will — yep, bearded dude just spiked the camera.
• 42:05 – Six: “That too is in God’s plan” Baltar: “You know he doesn’t like that name.” WAIT, IS HE REFERRING TO RONALD D. MOORE?!?
• 42:25 – Great, a news reel about present day human advances in robotics. Maybe I wouldn’t be cringing if I this wasn’t 2013.
• 42:50 – So. Much. Product. Placement.
• 43:12 – DID I JUST WATCH THE CREATION STORY OF MAN OR A SNL SKIT?!?

Maybe I’m taking everything at face value, or maybe I’m just unable see the big picture. Either way, this finale gets thumbs down from me.

Battlestar Galactica – S1E1

Okay, so I guess I wasn’t completely clueless. I got most of the plot, the setting, the characters, and a couple of common expressions/words correct. Go me!

Summary
Alright, here’s the deal: it has been 40 years since anyone has seen a Cylon. Back in the day, Cylons were created by humans to help them throughout the 12 colonies. A war broke out between master and slave, which ended with a treaty. Now, the Cylons have returned and are kicking our asses.

The Review
Overall, I found this episode to be extremely lengthy. Are all episodes 2 hours long? Do they want us to be functioning members of society? I will admit though, every time my screen went black something deep inside me would shout “MORE!”. One thing I thoroughly enjoy was the Firefly reference. Am I the only one who noticed Serenity flying in the background of Caprica City? Having watched Mr. Whedon’s most recent show, Dollhouse, I recognized Tahmoh Penikett (Dollhouse’s Agent Ballard, Battlestar’s Helo) almost immediately. Thank god he’s playing a role that isn’t annoying. For the most part, I have a feeling this venture is going to be freaking amazing. Except…

The main problem I have with the series right now is the way that humanoid-looking Cylon chick goes about her business. She has only expressed two emotions: curiosity and horniness. Is it sad that I laughed when she snapped that baby’s neck in the market? Anyways… here’s another one for yah: The President. This former President (Secretary? Chief? Executive?) of Education doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing. Her first few hours on the job and she got the Captain’s douche bag son, Lee, AND everyone on else on board killed. Way to go, n00b.

Though lengthy, this first episode has got me wanting more. Look for an episode 2 post in the near future.

First Impressions: Battlestar Galactica

Well folks, below is my “first impressions” and pre-watching knowledge about Battlestar Galactica. Enjoy.

The plot
Prior knowledge: none
This is a complete shot in the dark, but here it goes: I’m guessing the show follows a crew during an intergalactic war. From what I’ve learned in my history classes (Not so funny side note: I’m writing this post during my Early U.S. History class. Sorry, Mr. Seely!), most wars take place because one country wants what another country has. Resources, land, power, whatever. I bet the main characters are on the “currently being invaded” or “currently losing” side. The war is most likely between the following:
• Humans vs. Humans
• Humans vs. Aliens
• Humans vs. Robots
My money is on the “Humans vs. Robots” theory.

The setting
Prior knowledge: some, from other sci-fi shows/movies
Deep space and various planets is always a safe guess for a sci-fi show. A good portion probably takes place on their ship too.

The characters
Prior knowledge: none
As I have already mentioned in the “plot” section above, I have a feeling this series revolves around a ship’s crew during a war…in space. I assume the main characters are part of the crew.

Interpretation of common words and expressions
Prior knowledge: some, from friends and the internet
1. Frack
• I am 99.99% sure that this is Battlestar speak for The F Bomb. The other 0.1% of me wants to believe it’s the name of space fraternity. Fingers crossed!
2. Cylon
• I cannot tell a lie. I know that this is the name of the robot race in the series. Darn your tweets Jane Espenson!!!
3. So Say We All
• Possibly a war or religious chant? Is it interchangeable with “may the Force be with you”? All good questions I hope to learn the answer to.

Other notes
• My friend has a toaster that creates a sort of robot looking figure when you toast it. Is the toasted picture an image of a Cylon?
• I’ve heard/read the phrase “so say we all” before, but I don’t remember where. Maybe from a song or an allusion in a movie or TV show? In a tweet perhaps?

Overall
As you can tell above, I really have no idea what this show is about. I can only hope it’s intriguing, witty, and wonderfully addictive.

Expect a post on season 1, episode 1 later this week.